Captain's log. Stardate 3.12.2016.
The wife and I caught a glimpse of the largest sciurid in its geographical range. Our gardens dreaded foe, the woodchuck also known as: Chuck, Wood-shock, Groundpig, Whistler, Thickwood Badger, Canada Marmot, Monax, Moonack, Weenusk, and the Red Monk . Disturbing he made his first appearance of the season ahead of official Spring.
Captain's log, supplemental.
We'll immediately implement counter measures. I must take action on my own judgement. To capture and detain this creature before more delicious homegrown veggies are destroyed.
Well, "shut the front door!