Residual Damage

I came across the below article this morning, which touches on how "grey divorce" reshapes family dynamics and how fathers are more likely to lose touch with their children.

I've read this a half dozen times already, each time brings tears to my eye, and I will tell you, from what I've experienced, this is sadly true.

I've been struggling with the "why" but need to stop beating myself up and accept it for what it is.

 😢

        Divorce is always messy – you have to think about finances, living arrangements and of course, the kids.

But when it comes to older couples going their separate ways, fathers are more likely to lose touch with their children, a study suggests.

There has been a growing trend in recent years for 'grey divorce', when couples in long-term marriages split after the age of 50.

Now, researchers have studied the impact this has on their children.

Scientists analyzed data on 9,000 individuals, focusing on the frequency of contact with their parents, emotional closeness and the provision of support – and how these were affected by the occurrence of a grey divorce.

Divorce is always messy – you have to think about finances, living arrangements and of course, the kids. But when it comes to older couples going their separate ways, fathers are more likely to lose touch with their children, a study suggests 

They discovered the effects vary significantly depending on the gender of both the parent and the child involved.

Firstly, the study found that grey divorce generally leads to a decrease in the frequency of contact between adult children and their fathers.

On the other hand, there was an increase in the frequency of contact and in emotional closeness with mothers.

The researchers also found the consequences of divorce were generally more pronounced in father-daughter relationships, which experienced greater declines in both contact frequency and emotional closeness compared to father-son relationships.

Meanwhile, mother-daughter relationships often showed a strengthening in emotional bonds.

Zafer Büyükkeçeci, from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research in Germany, led the research. 

He said: 'Fathers tend to experience greater post-divorce strain on parent-child relationships compared to mothers.

'Reasons for the disparity could be that traditionally, mothers often maintain closer bonds with children.

'Adult children might even strengthen ties with mothers to compensate for the loss of a spousal confidante.

'Studies also show stronger emotional and practical support for mothers later in life.'

He also said that fathers may lose their 'kin keeper' role after divorce, leading to increased social isolation.

A 'kin keeper' is someone who assist family communication, plan gatherings and help the family keep in touch.

The study, published in The Journals of Gerontology: Series B, reads: 'Health, wellbeing and social integration of older parents is strongly linked to the presence of a partner in the household and to intergenerational solidarity from adult children.

'The rise in grey divorce could undermine both of these critical resources, as older people who separate not only lose their partner but may also damage relationships to their adult children.

'Our central finding is the contrasting impact for mothers and fathers. A grey divorce tilts adult child solidarity towards mothers and puts fathers at a higher risk of social isolation.'

Hooray!

January 16 2023

It's official official today and I could not be any happier!

#blessed

Thank you sir may I have another

For those of you who do not realize -

"It’s time once again to pay the man -- the taxman, that is -- and many noncustodial parents have more reason than most taxpayers to dislike April 15. That’s because, according to the Internal Revenue Service, child support payments are NOT deductible expenses to the noncustodial payer. Nor does the IRS classify support payments as taxable income to the custodial parent who receives them."

"Thank you sir may I have another"

In the rated PG version of this saying - Chip (Kevin Bacon), while being paddled as part of his Omega initiation in the oh so famous movie Animal House, says "Thank you sir may I have another" after each spank.

Of course in the noncustodial parents scenario we're not being paddled if you know what I mean!

Judge's Misconduct Results in Man's Death

Here's a tragic story that I wanted to pass along with the hope of raising awareness to just how old and antiquated and in many, many cases simply unfair (to the father) custody (divorce) cases are. There NEEDS to be a better process and solution for maintaining equal parental rights, as well as time each parent has with their children - NO one parent (in most cases) should have the majority of time with the kids over the other, NONE!

JUDGE’S MISCONDUCT RESULTS IN MAN’S DEATH
Fulton Superior Court Judge Bensonnetta Tipton Lane ’s
Pre-Thanksgiving Ruling Results In Father’s Suicide

(Atlanta , Georgia December 3, 2008) On Sunday, November 30th, following a three-year divorce and custody battle played out in a Fulton County Superior Court, Alpharetta, Georgia resident Gregory Eisenhauer committed suicide after he received a ruling from family court judge Bensonnetta Tipton Lane one day before Thanksgiving essentially stripping Eisenhauer of any decision-making authority for his three young children.

The case of Gregory Eisenhauer v. Anne Marie R. Eisenhauer was filed in February 2006. When Eisenhauer informed his wife of his plans to file divorce litigation, Anne Marie Eisenhauer filed ex parte charges against her husband for family violence and had him removed from the home, beginning the long and tedious road facing many parents who are victimized by their spouses and subjected to Parent Alienation Syndrome, or P.A.S. After being removed from his home, Eisenhauer's contact with his children was substantially reduced. Though Eisenhauer suffered diminishing relationships with his children, he faithfully pursued an amicable resolution through litigation before Judge Lane . Despite his efforts, Judge Lane taxed Eisenhauer with the substantial costs of litigation and incredulous hurdles to satisfy the court’s examination of his qualification to serve as the children's father. Only one day before the Thanksgiving holiday, Judge Lane essentially ultimately stripped Eisenhauer of his role as the father of his children. Sadly, Eisenhauer committed suicide days later.

The least seasoned human resource managers are taught to never terminate an employee’s employment during the holidays, such as Thanksgiving or Christmas, or on an individual’s birthday. While Judge Lane ’s authority as a superior court judge is not in question, her inconsiderate and unconscionable misconduct by issuing a ruling disassembling a family the day before Thanksgiving is. Despite her 22 years of judicial service, serving as a Fulton County Superior Court judge for 13 of those years, Judge Lane's conduct was, at most, wanton and intentional, or in the very least, an example of extremely poor judgment. Judge Lane’s misconduct undoubtedly contributed to the stress Eisenhauer faced while watching his family be torn apart by an unjust judicial system.

Mr. Eisenhauer was an educated man and seasoned business professional, employed in the pharmaceutical industry and rising to the level of Chief Financial Officer. His three small children have now lost a father due to the miscarriage of justice suffered behind the closed doors of Georgia ’s family courts. Judicial and Child Welfare Reform activists, many of whom have suffered similar miscarriages of justice in Georgian courtrooms, understood Eisenhauer's plight and offered him their support.

A memorial protest rally in tribute to Gregory Eisehhauer has been organized by a group of Judicial and Child Welfare Reform activists to raise public awareness concerning tragedies, such as Eisenhauer's death, and the unbalanced judicial system many parents have or will face in divorce and custody disputes.